nonlocal communication

there's a million things i have to write but i will just write about this for now... steven and i have had an increase of nonlocal communication during our vacation which we came back from yesterday, and i wanted to cite the occurences. the interesting thing is that when it happens, one of us is doing it and the other is definitely echoing. when it happens in my direction, i can definitely sense like i'm being lead - as though it wasn't my choice to do it. i'd like to hear a physicist explain these to me.

#1: simultaneous peace sign
leader: steven
echo: masha
when i car passed by us while walking on the beach in orange county, a white male yelled "fag" out the window. i remember sensing an immediate surge of rage and wanting to flip him off, but somehow my hand ended up making a peace sign instead. it was very fast, and i felt like i wasn't in control of my hand. later we happened to mention that occurence to each other and realized that we had both held up a peace sign.

#2: singing and F# simultaneously
leader: masha
echo: steven
i believe we were driving somewhere, and i had a song stuck in my head from a CD or hearing it in a store... perhaps an alanis song? i can't remember right now. anyway, i suddenly sang a phrase from the song amidst the silence in our car, beginning with an F#. steven sang an F# at the same moment as i began singing the phrase, but he only sang that one note. i didn't feel compelled, i felt like i was just being me. from what he explained, he felt a sudden compelling sensation to sing that particular note. he heard what i was about to sing and echoed it.

#3: petting each other
leader: steven
echo: masha
we were waiting for the plane to take off yesterday, trying to encourage each other to enjoy the flight. then we suddenly stroked each other gently, in a way we don't usually. i sensed the need to run my fingers over his leg, moving my arm away from his body; at the same time he had run his fingers along my arm, moving toward my body. it occured at the exact same moment and felt like an echo.

#4: speaking a phrase
leader/echo: unknown
i had asked steven for the keys to the car, and said: "can i have the keys?" jess had misheard and thought i said "can i have the kiss", so we all went awww. then i said "when i come back" and steven said at the same moment "when she comes back". perhaps an obvious thought, but it occurred simulaneously, again. and seemed slightly an echo.

summer approaches

wow that was a pretty awesome party we went to... spring soul was amazing. people were having a pretty damn good time, and the fire dancers were incredible. i met a girl there, who shall remain nameless, who reminded me of the type of personality i've always been completely jealous of. she had so much positive energy and projected happiness that there's no way that anyone could not be affected by her in a positive way. i've always admired those qualities in a person greatly, and aspire to be that way.

they burned a pretty cool structure they built, and everyone danced to a drumbeat. the entire experience put me in a highly elevated state of mind for about 3 days straight. i was apprehensive about going at first, making up all these reasons why i wouldn't enjoy myself. but instead i had a better time than i have in a long while. the next day we hung out with corey, jess, jessi and eghan's brother. i drank a little bit of shroom tea that steven made (STRONG, i might add), and the sip i took was enough to get a buzz going. i enjoyed it, and felt very refreshed afterwards. it was still partially difficult to handle, but i was there and i was coherent and took a walk with jessi without so much as thinking about panicking. that and the party gave me confidence about some things, and i want to continue that confidence. i was happy for once :)

on sunday, the happiness continued and steven and i had a wonderful day together, and made beautiful love. for the first in a long time, i felt like i could completely submit to him again.. i felt complete trust. later that evening he drank more mushie tea just from being reminded about it, and i got pretty upset that he was so impulsive about it... we still have to work on things. but i am so happy that for a moment we were one again. i have to work on my negativity, and he has to work on his impulsive addictions. but when we're in a state of balance, everything is perfect :)

moon cycle

i heard once that women who live in the same proximity sometimes eventually align their menstrual cycles to one another. it seems to be the case here in arcata. i didn't use to have very regular cycles, but in the last 5 months or so my period begins 1 or 2 days around the full moon, same time every month. and it seems a large population of women here in arcata have it at the same time. it definitely does something to the vibe... a bit of insanity, anyone? it does make you reflect on yourself though, and figure out new ways of thinking. i signed up for a 4-day-a-week sculpture class in june .. it will be sort of like an intensive summer art camp for a month, so i'm excited. i really need a good solid chunk of time spent in hands-on creativity.



i'm excited about E3, it's coming up soon :) a little apprehensive of going on a plane, but i will get through it.

progress

i think that i'm progressing pretty well with the state of my mind. i bought a bunch of plants over the weekend and created a nice display on my balcony:



digging in the dirt made me feel very much at home. i haven't been thinking in a very analytical way lately, i'm letting myself experience whatever it is i experience. i was sick for a week so i had a few panicked moments as i usually do, but upon getting better i can sense that my consciousness it much refreshed. we've been working on getting asteroids to a presentable level, and i think that at this rate we shouldn't need more than 1 or 2 more weekends. basically it will be done before E3, i will see to that. in regards to people working with us... we haven't yet found the perfect partner, and we both agree on that (finally). which is fine, we're learning how to detect peoples' abilities, and to do what we can with what they're capable of. my honest sensation is that the perfect work partner will be the perfect life partner. the person we're seeking is just around the corner... and it will be obvious. but we have to be balanced first ourselves, and we're not quite there yet. perhaps one more year, when we're ready for a new drastic change. right now, everything is working quite well :)

discovering my brain

i've had a recent revelation which i'd like to share... for a little background, in the last few years i have been learning about quantum physics and how the universe works on an atomic and subatomic level. originally, it helped me shape my view of things in a way that i was difficult to hate anything, and it made me more inspired. of course, information is just information until it is percieved in one way or another. eventually, my views became cynical and critical ones rather than inspired. i criticized all people for not seeing the universe in its wholeness and perfection. i stepped away from the balance of letting all things be. even though that was my goal, i walked away from it instead of toward it. when i spend a lot of time at home alone - which happens a lot since we make video games for a living and we work at home - the cynicism i create in my mind becomes more and more intense, and eventually turns into panic attacks. i've found that going to school forces me to get out of the house early in the day, and gives me a more rounded perspective on all my experiences.

a couple weeks ago we went on vacation to the bay area, and on one particular day i became very irky and panicky. everything kinda bothered me. then a thought occurred in my head. i said, "i remember being happy. and what i am now is not happy. so what if your perseptions of the world are 'accurate' or 'correct'? if it doesn't make you happy, then it's not really real. what matters is enjoying your life experience." i had a sudden flood of inspiration thinking about how easy it was for me to be happy when i was a teenager. no matter what information i learned, i used it to make myself as happy as possible. so, i'm working my way back there, and so far it's working. i simply allow myself to accept the world in ways that other people do, instead of always finding a more "scientifically correct" way of saying what they are saying. if something is beautiful, it simply is beautiful. inquiring about its chemical/physiological structure can be important IF IT'S RELEVANT, but mostly what matters is that you enjoy looking at it. and with a case in point, we went to this gorgeous park in pleasant hill and took pictures. i've never seen anything quite like it, and it deeply reinforced what i was trying to communicate to myself all along.

inspiration

today i learned that no matter what is going on in your life, one must take time to do what makes you happy and inspired. never make excuses for not doing what you like doing. everything else is secondary. your confidence in yourself, and your conviction that you are here for a wonderful purpose, is what makes life worth living.

sexy...

an art piece from a few years ago... sexy :)