moon cycle

i heard once that women who live in the same proximity sometimes eventually align their menstrual cycles to one another. it seems to be the case here in arcata. i didn't use to have very regular cycles, but in the last 5 months or so my period begins 1 or 2 days around the full moon, same time every month. and it seems a large population of women here in arcata have it at the same time. it definitely does something to the vibe... a bit of insanity, anyone? it does make you reflect on yourself though, and figure out new ways of thinking. i signed up for a 4-day-a-week sculpture class in june .. it will be sort of like an intensive summer art camp for a month, so i'm excited. i really need a good solid chunk of time spent in hands-on creativity.



i'm excited about E3, it's coming up soon :) a little apprehensive of going on a plane, but i will get through it.

progress

i think that i'm progressing pretty well with the state of my mind. i bought a bunch of plants over the weekend and created a nice display on my balcony:



digging in the dirt made me feel very much at home. i haven't been thinking in a very analytical way lately, i'm letting myself experience whatever it is i experience. i was sick for a week so i had a few panicked moments as i usually do, but upon getting better i can sense that my consciousness it much refreshed. we've been working on getting asteroids to a presentable level, and i think that at this rate we shouldn't need more than 1 or 2 more weekends. basically it will be done before E3, i will see to that. in regards to people working with us... we haven't yet found the perfect partner, and we both agree on that (finally). which is fine, we're learning how to detect peoples' abilities, and to do what we can with what they're capable of. my honest sensation is that the perfect work partner will be the perfect life partner. the person we're seeking is just around the corner... and it will be obvious. but we have to be balanced first ourselves, and we're not quite there yet. perhaps one more year, when we're ready for a new drastic change. right now, everything is working quite well :)

discovering my brain

i've had a recent revelation which i'd like to share... for a little background, in the last few years i have been learning about quantum physics and how the universe works on an atomic and subatomic level. originally, it helped me shape my view of things in a way that i was difficult to hate anything, and it made me more inspired. of course, information is just information until it is percieved in one way or another. eventually, my views became cynical and critical ones rather than inspired. i criticized all people for not seeing the universe in its wholeness and perfection. i stepped away from the balance of letting all things be. even though that was my goal, i walked away from it instead of toward it. when i spend a lot of time at home alone - which happens a lot since we make video games for a living and we work at home - the cynicism i create in my mind becomes more and more intense, and eventually turns into panic attacks. i've found that going to school forces me to get out of the house early in the day, and gives me a more rounded perspective on all my experiences.

a couple weeks ago we went on vacation to the bay area, and on one particular day i became very irky and panicky. everything kinda bothered me. then a thought occurred in my head. i said, "i remember being happy. and what i am now is not happy. so what if your perseptions of the world are 'accurate' or 'correct'? if it doesn't make you happy, then it's not really real. what matters is enjoying your life experience." i had a sudden flood of inspiration thinking about how easy it was for me to be happy when i was a teenager. no matter what information i learned, i used it to make myself as happy as possible. so, i'm working my way back there, and so far it's working. i simply allow myself to accept the world in ways that other people do, instead of always finding a more "scientifically correct" way of saying what they are saying. if something is beautiful, it simply is beautiful. inquiring about its chemical/physiological structure can be important IF IT'S RELEVANT, but mostly what matters is that you enjoy looking at it. and with a case in point, we went to this gorgeous park in pleasant hill and took pictures. i've never seen anything quite like it, and it deeply reinforced what i was trying to communicate to myself all along.